So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
