he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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