I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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