Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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