You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
