WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
