I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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