Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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