dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
