i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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