Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is my gift to your gina
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
