when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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