You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
