the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
