You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
