never play flip cup with pint glasses
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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