I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
