i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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