community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
