you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
