she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
this just has baby written all over it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
