Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
