I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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