The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
