I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
