my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
