Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
