Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
