yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
