Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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