Who wears a wallet chain?!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
