your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
