i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We need to rekindle our bromance
this boner is exhausting
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
