He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
