i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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