i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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