My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
