I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
