I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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