you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
my liver is dry heaving
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
