More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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