Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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