watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
