doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
