a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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