There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
