What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
