those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
