So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
nutella sex= disaster
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
