Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
