How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
