I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
