I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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