the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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