he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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